Help! I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up!

I have been off track for some time...really since mid-January. I was continually hitting walls, and when I hit the last one I couldn't get back up. I have been sort of wandering in the wilderness. Second guessing, afraid, etc. I was questioning, if God is calling me, why is it so hard? God is so good and faithful. As I was praying about it, he showed me that I was not waiting on HIM, communing with HIM. He has shown me that I have been seeking my "agenda" and not HIM. I have been praying and asking Him to show me His love (reveal it to me in a fresh way). I felt like I had lost sight of that most tender part of Him. It had become me trying to get to France and asking God to help me, which can be ok but not in the way I was doing it. Calvary Chapel Philly just held a Missions Conference this past Saturday (which was so timely). God met me in such a full way. I have come away with so much to meditate on. And, praise God, I made a new connection for France! This has been such a difficult journey with no organization to cover me.

If you are reading this, please pray for me when the Lord brings me to mind. And please pray that the Lord will open the right doors and provide the means to do what He would have me do.

A New Year...A New Resolution

Happy New Year!

It has been an interesting year, a year of trying and failing, reflecting, and growing. Mostly I have learned that apart from Him I can do nothing! It is amazing how long and how often I have run in circles, chasing my tail, only to come around to the same conclusion. Apart from Him I can do nothing! God is good and wants only good for His children. I need to trust Him with everything.

I have shifted my plan from short-term and long-term missions to simply raising funds and waiting on the Lord to supply and direct.

For those of you who have been watching and praying and waiting...it is time. I cannot move forward without the funds I need. Please pray with me for the support I need both financially and spiritually and continue to lift up the nation of France and all those already laboring there.

"But those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run, and not be weary, they shall walk, and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

One Foot in Front of the Other

I has been a difficult month. I began fundraising, and things were going really well. Then...two days after my initial fundraising efforts, I was slammed with an upper respiratory infection. Then our heater broke (first filling the house with smoke). The smoke, coupled with the cold, didn't help my sickness. The heater, which was supposed to take several days to fix, was fortunately fixed in two. Then my car battery died. Not a big deal, just an added expense.

I was resting and drinking a lot of liquids, etc. and beginning to feel better then, suddenly, took a turn for the worse. Spent two days with basically no voice and finally broke down and began a course of antibiotics. Then our heater broke...again. Seems the motor which had been replaced was defective. Again, the house was filled with smoke but fortunately the heater was fixed the same day.

THEN tonight I broke a tooth!

It has been a difficult month. I have been sidetracked from all of my fundraising efforts and missed an opportunity to minister through song at a womans event. I hope to get back on track as my time for fundraising for this initial trip is slipping away.

I feel very overwhelmed by all that must be accomplished in order for me to serve in France. It is truly a daunting task. I am so thankful that God has promised to provide all our needs according to His riches in glory. Even when I am beaten, in my weakness He is strong.

Lord, I pray you will continue the good work you have begun in me. Protect me from the enemy and keep me safe. Help me to keep walking when I am weary, one foot in front of the next. I pray that you will keep me close and in your word. Help me to cast all of my anxiety on you, because I know you care for me. I pray for the people of the nation of France. Soften their hearts, Lord. Show them your love and teach them of your grace and mercy. Bless this effort Lord. Increase my faith and help me to stand on your promises for you Lord, are faithful.

In Jesus name, Amen!

Still Struggling...

I continue to struggle with fear. God has encouraged and challenged me today through friends on facebook...

On this day, God wants you to know...
...that fear won't get you where you want to go. It's not easy to head off into uncharted waters, but every journey starts with a first step. Fear will keep you from taking that first step, from untying the boat from the dock. Fear will also keep you from making new discoveries. Don't let fear keep you tied up, set sail and see what God has planned for you...

"Believers! We know the doctrine...the harvest is plentiful...how many more convicting messages needed before we just start laying it all down and getting spent for the one who spent it all for us?..." (Pastor Aaron)

I know there will come a day when I look back at this struggle and think, "Why did I struggle so with this? Why did I doubt God's goodness and sufficiency? What was I holding on to? Why did I wait so long?"

Lord, help me to let go and trust you sooner....

Fundraising

It is time (actually long past time) for me to begin fundraising. I planned to sit down tonight and begin to call people to make appointments to share the need in France. Instead of sitting down to make calls I found everything else in the world to get involved in. Washing up the few dishes in the sink, writing an old friend, making a to-do list. Just this one more thing, then I'll start calling...

As I thought about it, I realized this is something I am struggling with. I'm scared. I realized I am scared because...what if people don't support me? What if, after all 4+ years of praying, waiting, planning, working....I'm not really called? What if I made a mistake? Or, what if I am called and people don't listen to the Lord regarding investing in His work in France?

I realize as I work through these thoughts that the Lord has called me and He will provide. I am hoping people will pray and earnestly seek the Lord regarding supporting me both financially and spiritually (both while I prepare to go as well as once I am on the field in France). I know God will provide all of my needs according to His riches in glory.

Please pray with me that the Lord will move in the hearts of His people to pray for the nation of France and provide for the workers in France.

If you are interested in hearing more about this work and how you can help, please contact me!

'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus....

I am continuing to pray and move forward. Pastor Daniel would like a response soon...

I am working through some issues that need to be resolved in order for me to make the trip at the end of January. I have also begun my fund raising. Please pray that the Lord will stir hearts for the great need in France and that folks will yield to the Lord's calling and partner with me.

A dear friend and sister in the Lord (who shares my vision and burden for France) has updated my blog. If you've been following, I'm sure you can see the huge difference! She has also added additional tabs at the top of this page. You can now see my brochure online, fill out a support card, and even donate! Thanks, Connie.

Please pray for my car situation. I was using my sons car, which my brother fixed, but just died tonight. We are without again. Please pray for the Lord's wisdom as to what to do.

I truly appreciate your prayers regarding these things.

I was sharing the other day how I am learning (and re-learning) to slow down. I have realized that when I get frantic, I often fall in one way or another.

I'm also working on being a better steward of my time.

A New Timeline

I received a call from Pastor Daniel (in Lyon) last night. We spoke for over two hours. With the deadline for January enrollment passed, I was now looking at September. He had an idea. He suggested I pray about coming for a three month, short-term mission trip - late January to late April. I could do this without obtaining a visa.

I will need to raise $3,000 for this missions trip.

While there, I will have the opportunity to work with the church and get to know the people they serve. In addition I can familiarize myself with the city. I think this is a wonderful idea and cannot see a down side. I am praying and asking the Lord for confirmation and will respond to Daniel in a week. Please pray with me as I seek the Lord on this decision.

Note: It is interesting to me how quickly things change. I'm excited to "stay loose" and see what the Lord will do next.