One Foot in Front of the Other

I has been a difficult month. I began fundraising, and things were going really well. Then...two days after my initial fundraising efforts, I was slammed with an upper respiratory infection. Then our heater broke (first filling the house with smoke). The smoke, coupled with the cold, didn't help my sickness. The heater, which was supposed to take several days to fix, was fortunately fixed in two. Then my car battery died. Not a big deal, just an added expense.

I was resting and drinking a lot of liquids, etc. and beginning to feel better then, suddenly, took a turn for the worse. Spent two days with basically no voice and finally broke down and began a course of antibiotics. Then our heater broke...again. Seems the motor which had been replaced was defective. Again, the house was filled with smoke but fortunately the heater was fixed the same day.

THEN tonight I broke a tooth!

It has been a difficult month. I have been sidetracked from all of my fundraising efforts and missed an opportunity to minister through song at a womans event. I hope to get back on track as my time for fundraising for this initial trip is slipping away.

I feel very overwhelmed by all that must be accomplished in order for me to serve in France. It is truly a daunting task. I am so thankful that God has promised to provide all our needs according to His riches in glory. Even when I am beaten, in my weakness He is strong.

Lord, I pray you will continue the good work you have begun in me. Protect me from the enemy and keep me safe. Help me to keep walking when I am weary, one foot in front of the next. I pray that you will keep me close and in your word. Help me to cast all of my anxiety on you, because I know you care for me. I pray for the people of the nation of France. Soften their hearts, Lord. Show them your love and teach them of your grace and mercy. Bless this effort Lord. Increase my faith and help me to stand on your promises for you Lord, are faithful.

In Jesus name, Amen!

Still Struggling...

I continue to struggle with fear. God has encouraged and challenged me today through friends on facebook...

On this day, God wants you to know...
...that fear won't get you where you want to go. It's not easy to head off into uncharted waters, but every journey starts with a first step. Fear will keep you from taking that first step, from untying the boat from the dock. Fear will also keep you from making new discoveries. Don't let fear keep you tied up, set sail and see what God has planned for you...

"Believers! We know the doctrine...the harvest is plentiful...how many more convicting messages needed before we just start laying it all down and getting spent for the one who spent it all for us?..." (Pastor Aaron)

I know there will come a day when I look back at this struggle and think, "Why did I struggle so with this? Why did I doubt God's goodness and sufficiency? What was I holding on to? Why did I wait so long?"

Lord, help me to let go and trust you sooner....

Fundraising

It is time (actually long past time) for me to begin fundraising. I planned to sit down tonight and begin to call people to make appointments to share the need in France. Instead of sitting down to make calls I found everything else in the world to get involved in. Washing up the few dishes in the sink, writing an old friend, making a to-do list. Just this one more thing, then I'll start calling...

As I thought about it, I realized this is something I am struggling with. I'm scared. I realized I am scared because...what if people don't support me? What if, after all 4+ years of praying, waiting, planning, working....I'm not really called? What if I made a mistake? Or, what if I am called and people don't listen to the Lord regarding investing in His work in France?

I realize as I work through these thoughts that the Lord has called me and He will provide. I am hoping people will pray and earnestly seek the Lord regarding supporting me both financially and spiritually (both while I prepare to go as well as once I am on the field in France). I know God will provide all of my needs according to His riches in glory.

Please pray with me that the Lord will move in the hearts of His people to pray for the nation of France and provide for the workers in France.

If you are interested in hearing more about this work and how you can help, please contact me!

'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus....

I am continuing to pray and move forward. Pastor Daniel would like a response soon...

I am working through some issues that need to be resolved in order for me to make the trip at the end of January. I have also begun my fund raising. Please pray that the Lord will stir hearts for the great need in France and that folks will yield to the Lord's calling and partner with me.

A dear friend and sister in the Lord (who shares my vision and burden for France) has updated my blog. If you've been following, I'm sure you can see the huge difference! She has also added additional tabs at the top of this page. You can now see my brochure online, fill out a support card, and even donate! Thanks, Connie.

Please pray for my car situation. I was using my sons car, which my brother fixed, but just died tonight. We are without again. Please pray for the Lord's wisdom as to what to do.

I truly appreciate your prayers regarding these things.

I was sharing the other day how I am learning (and re-learning) to slow down. I have realized that when I get frantic, I often fall in one way or another.

I'm also working on being a better steward of my time.

A New Timeline

I received a call from Pastor Daniel (in Lyon) last night. We spoke for over two hours. With the deadline for January enrollment passed, I was now looking at September. He had an idea. He suggested I pray about coming for a three month, short-term mission trip - late January to late April. I could do this without obtaining a visa.

I will need to raise $3,000 for this missions trip.

While there, I will have the opportunity to work with the church and get to know the people they serve. In addition I can familiarize myself with the city. I think this is a wonderful idea and cannot see a down side. I am praying and asking the Lord for confirmation and will respond to Daniel in a week. Please pray with me as I seek the Lord on this decision.

Note: It is interesting to me how quickly things change. I'm excited to "stay loose" and see what the Lord will do next.

The Lord's timing...

Well, my cut-off date for registration for the University spring semester has passed. It was a difficult time for me. So many things seemed to conspire against my efforts. I needed my diploma in order to register (as well as some additional documentation). I graduated in 1974 and probably haven't looked at my diploma since. So I spent many days trying to find it without success. I contacted my Alma mater to try and get a copy, which they could not provide. In the meantime, I needed to register with CampusFrance, an organization which works in conjunction with the Universities in France. This registration is also mandatory. In addition to these two applications, I also needed to obtain proof of housing and a letter proving I had the funds necessary to sustain my life in France for the year. And I couldn't even find my diploma!!

In addition, the three cars we use were all down. One with brakes not working, one with a bad gas leak and one overheating. I had spent countless hours on applications, finding the correct websites and internet helps, etc. and stored all of it on a flash drive (which suddenly disappeared). Our internet was (and still is) down. All this had severely hindered my efforts to get anything accomplished. My neighbor graciously provided me access to her internet in her home, which has been a big help.

I found myself frantic one day, close to the cut-off date for registration. I was frustrated and depressed and frantic. It occurred to me that I could not remember a time in the scripture when Jesus or his disciples were rushing, or hurrying. I realized that perhaps it was the Lord and not the enemy who kept throwing up road blocks. Perhaps this was not the Lord's timing.

I prayed and tried to rest in His will and, in spite of my continued efforts (though less stressed), the date came and went. I would need to make a new plan. So, I decided to shoot for late summer/early fall. This would give me the additional time I needed to do fund raising and give me time to investigate my options as far as aligning with an organization, or not.

God's timing is perfect. It is so sweet to rest in His wisdom and timing. Did I mention the flash drive was on my bedside table (where I had searched many times) and I found my diploma when I wasn't looking for it?

"A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directs his steps" Proverbs 16:9

An Organization...to keep me organized.

I am excited to have found a Calvary Chapel Missions Organization with an opening - Saving Grace World Missions (http://sgwm.com/). I had an initial conversation with the head of this organization today and it sounds like a good fit. I am praying about whether or not to affiliate myself with an organization or go it alone.

The up side is that they would help me with bookkeeping, insurance, website hosting, and taxes. They also will help with any additional training. This would also mean that all contributions to me through this organization could be claimed as a tax deduction by the contributor. I would pay the taxes at the end of the year (which the organization will file for me).

My other consideration is that I have already completed some training and I believe the Lord has been preparing me as well so I don't know if I need additional training. The school I will be attending offers discounted insurance. And a down side is that I would need to raise additional support to cover the 10% I will pay the organization (as well as the taxes I will pay on all funds I raise). If I go alone, I don't need to pay taxes but contributors do not get a tax deduction.

I am applying and prayerfully considering the options. Please pray with me for wisdom in the best way to use my resources (monetary, time, etc). Feel free to weigh in with your thoughts...

Two steps forward...one step (or many steps) back...

This process has been very difficult in many ways. I think I was expecting everything to just fall into place, once I was sure of my calling. I have learned a lot. And I've learned a lot about myself. God is faithful and always with me, but I am not always with Him. I strike out on my own, in my own strength, with my own agenda. Then I wonder why I am not hearing from the Lord and realize I have left Him behind. Then I go back and get on my knees and fellowship with Him and get His perspective. I realize this is not a pass or fail test, but a learning process...all of it. Life. When I fall or misstep, it is an opportunity for me to learn and grow. I realize I am not consistant. I am not a good steward of my time. A lot of times it is the little stuff that trips me up.

I have also realized I cannot do this alone. I need prayer support. So many things need to be done, so many doors opened. Please join me in praying that the Lord open doors, provide funds, give wisdom and direction and get me to France. Also, please continue to pray for the nation of France. Pray the Lord will stir their hearts and give them a thirst for the truth.

I feel so inadequate to serve Him. But I can give him my loaves and fishes...

A Step in Faith

After my devotions this morning I realize I need to move forward. I know God has called me, I believe this is His timing and I need to step out in faith and believe He will supply all my need. I am asking for prayer for a "sending" organization or church and that doors would remain open as long as I am walking in His leading.

I've hit a wall...

I am not sure how to move forward. I do not have the organization to direct me and am not sure about how to handle finances. Please pray with me that the Lord will open a door in this area.

Skype!

I just spent 4 hours on Skype, talking to my connection in France. I am hoping to go this January and begin language training in January as well. There is much to be done, a lot of paperwork, visa, registration, housing, etc. And, I still need to raise the funds I will need. The pastor in France is asking for a 1 year commitment. I have no problem with this as I hope to stay in France indefinitely.

I am not sure how I will handle finances since I am no longer going under the organization I was originally with. I need to pray about this. Also, I have been told that I will be responsible for the taxes on any contributions that are claimed as tax deductible by the person giving the contribution. I am assuming I will need additional funds to cover the taxes. I need to find more information in regards to this but I'm sure the Lord will show me what needs to be done.

This opportunity in Lyon seems so perfect. The French pastor told me today that he is also ministering to a group of about 20 near Geneva. These people are very hungry for the word and they currently are having a lot of difficulty in worship. He would like me to help with that effort as well. He also told me there is lower-cost housing near the university. This would give me the opportunity to build relationships close to the university as well.

If you are reading this, please pray for me...that the Lord will open the right doors, help me to get through all of the red tape, and provide the funds I need to accomplish what He has called me to!

An open window!

In early August of this year, right after I got home from Michigan, I sent out an email to contacts in France asking for help, telling them I was looking for opportunities to serve and could they help me. I heard nothing back.

Then, late in August, I received a reply. Calvary Chapel in Lyon is a new church plant. They are a very small fellowship with a need for a worship leader. It doesn't matter if the person can even speak the language very well yet (however they would have to learn). There are French courses offered at the local University. The next semester starts in January. Housing expenses could be shared. I would need a student visa which I could probably only get for a 6 month stay since I am starting mid-year.

This is what I have prayed for. An opportunity to live among the people, learn the language and I would even get to minister in music!

Change is in the air...

In July of this year I began to sense an urgency to move forward again. I planned a 5-day trip to Michigan to pick up my daughter (who I hadn't seen since Christmas). Once in Michigan, I had a chance to relax and breath. There is a group of young women (who were in Michigan) that I have become friends with. They asked what was going on with my plans for France. I told them, "I have to get out of my job, it is too overwhelming and I have no time or energy to pursue anything else". It was so clear to me at that moment. I didn't know how this would happen. My job, though stressful, paid me very well and I knew what I was doing. To try to find another job would be time consuming and, even if I could find a new job in this economy, it would take me 6-9 months to get up to speed. I didn't want to invest myself or my time in another job. I needed to go to France. Two days later, I received a call from my boss (the President/CEO of my company). My office was closing and I had no job. It was awesome! I was so excited. I didn't know what the Lord was doing, but He was doing something!

How to transition

My desire to go to France has never dwindled. I felt as though I was marking time, just treading water. I was very busy at work. My job was very demanding and I worked long hours with lots of stress. It was all emcompassing. When I would think of France I was always challenged by the question of how to move forward. How does one transition from working and paying rent and bills to going on the field? How much would it cost to live in France? What about Visas?

I had decided that for the time being work was where the Lord had me. I decided to try to be used by the Lord wherever He had me. I decided to take each day as it came at work and try to be a witness for Him there. I sometimes did well but sometimes allowed work to overwhelm me and failed miserably. But I learned a lot.

I have learned in my walk with the Lord through the years that He is seldom in a hurry. He does have a plan and sometimes that plan includes waiting. It seemed to me at that time that it was a season to wait even though France was always in the forefront of my thoughts.

Questions and closed doors...

Much time had passed since my initial trip to France. I had applied and been accepted into a French missions organization. The next step was for me to begin training. I was not at peace in moving forward in the training and could not understand why. There was nothing about the group, no red flag, that warned me this was not the right organization for me. Yet, I still did not feel at peace. Then a series of events happened which dramatically impacted my personal life. Upon reflection, I later realized that it would have been tragic, had I been in training in Illinois when these things had occured.

Then, I again began to move forward with plans of training for June of this year. I spoke with the organization to clarify where in France they felt I could be used and came to find out that the situations in France had changed and there were, at this time and possibly for some time to come, no opportunities in France. It seemed the door to France had closed...

Journal - Monday 3/26/07 - My meeting and Another Confirmation

"Met (my French missionary friend) for dinner. It was a great time of fellowship. She is doing well with her French studies. She invited me to go to the coffee house where she ministers tomorrow afternoon. She echoed what Nancy and Pierre had told me. It is impossible to find work . Unemployment is 11% and jobs must (by law) be first offered to someone in the European union (unless a company can show a compelling reason why they must hire an American). We'll see what the Lord does. I was also excited to hear her say, as did Pierre and Nancy - Evangelism in France is a different process. It is slow going via relationships and ministering the love of Christ. This is exciting because this confirms the vision the Lord has given me. Not sure where to go next but sure the Lord will guide."

Journal - Monday 3/26/07 - On to Strasbourg

"I wandered into the Cathedral. So sad. Such a glorious monument to the Lord and yet I felt no life there." This Cathedral was more like a cold, stone museum and not a house of worship at all. Very sad.